I had a nightmare again, and like most of the time it was about death. A sudden death, the most appaling one, and when I woke up I couldn’t help but wonder why death is such a horrific issue to me. Why everytime I close my eyes at night I have arrey of my loved ones’ deaths marching in my head, that they are dead and I didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye to them. Why is DEATH such a bigh deal to me>? Shouldn’t it be just sad not overwhelming? Shouldn’t it be comming every now an then and not every single night? Shouldn’t it be just a normal issue to me after all those things that I have been through as an Iranian in a country with war and airraids? Why is it so abhorrent to me?
I remember the first times I was acquainted with death might have been the times I had theology classes at my elementary school, we, 7 -year- old school girls, were advised to cover our hairs from Namahram, otherwise God would burn us in hell forever after we die. You can see that it wasn’t a very pleasant introduction to death.Then we were thaught about the fist night after death, Shabe Avale Ghabr, the most horrible scenario you could possibly imagine, and what is Shabe Avale Ghabr? It is the first night you are put in you grave and the pressure on you would be , as it is said, as you would throw up even the milk you had when you were just a kid. No wonder I am having those dreams, picturing yourself in your grave trying to breath and throwing up everything isnt’ the best scene you could imagine.
Of course I dont belive in those rubbish anymore but it seems that every night when I go to bed and try to have some sleep, all those early lessons come back to me……………. and last night was not an exception.
