Mojdehnevesht's Weblog

افسردگی

mojdehnevesht — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 16:11:11 +0000

افسردگی پدرم رو در اورده

خسته ام از این زندگی

از رضای همیشه افسرده خسته ام

و این چقدر دردناکه

وقتی همسرت خیلی خوب باشه و تو از افسردگی دائمیش خسته شده باشی

از اینکه به یاد نداری که اومده باشه خونه و مثلا ترتیب یک مسافرت رو داده باشه

از اینکه تنها خوشیش خرید برای مادر یا پدر یا صحبت کردن با برادرشه خسته ام

نه اینکه اونها بد باشند که نه خیلی هم نازند

اما از اینکه همسرم اینچنان افسردگی رو خوراک هر روزه ام کرده افسرده ام

به یاد ندارم که سفری مرا برده باشد

یا تفریحی شاد

هیجان در زندگی من یعنی خیال نه فکر کنی حالا که سی وسه ساله ام

نه همان موقع که بیست و سه ساله بودیم هم هر هیجانی به قول رضا برای “جوونها” بود

خسته ام از افسردگی دائم

و دلبستن به بیکاری و رویای بازنشستگی رضا

خودم هم دنبال کار نمیرم

از ترس و از تنبلی

خسته ام از این حجم وحشتناک افسردگی در زندگی مشترکم

تفریحم نگاه کردن به سایت های مختلف و مناطق مختلف و زیبا شده است

خسته شدم از این همه افسردگی

از این همه مظلومیت رضا و سادگیش که دهنمو بدجور بسته

خسته ام از اینکه رضا هیچ ارزوی برای زندگی مشترکمون نداره

هرگز نشنیدم بگه ایشالا با هم میریم سفر

ایشالا با هم خونه بهتری میگیریم

خسته ام خسته

از این حجم شدید افسردگی افسرده ام

Iran

mojdehnevesht — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 13:55:24 +0000

Thousands of people who were arrested in Ashoura are still in “God-Knows-Where prison , two friends of mine are among them, they were arrested just because they couldn’t tolerate being humiliated by Ahmadinejad and his allies. Their families can’t get access to them, they are not allowed to have lawyers, they have absolutely no right as a prisoners and if they -God forbidden- be killed in prison, you just can’t do anything………… that s the privileges you get as an Iranian.

It s been very stressful days for Iranians, they ve been threatened, tortured, beaten, killed, intimidated and physically and emotionally harassed. I literally can’t do much. Just hoping and hoping and hoping ……………, Do you think people who have got nothing but their brave hearts and battered bodies can actually win a brutal government and basijies who have got Nokia’s spy technology, state media, Judiciary system and the free money of OIL ????????????? , and if they can’t what s next another North Korea? Where the world is just worried about its nuclear weapons and can’t care less about its enslaved people?

Please use your freedom to support people of Iran, they have so much to offer and the world is missing out big time by not supporting a democratic Iran.

Paralyzed

mojdehnevesht — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 08:19:19 +0000

I ve been paralyzed since the Iran election upheavals broke. I can’t do anything, I cant’ help but wondering WHY for god’s sake the world is supporting Iranian goverment to repress its people, why on earth no one asks who the hell sold all those anti-democracy technology, Who sold those Internet filtering, Nokia spying, and the like technology to this brutal goverment.

Why do the world care more about oil than about democracy? Why do public and media in democratic countries not do anything to help democracy. Why ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,why ……………why…………………. it is not difficult for the world to stop North Korea or Iran killing people, it is not. The thing is the world love having an “ENEMY” to sell the armament and blame them for all their issues .

TBC

This is not my home

mojdehnevesht — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:00:31 +0000

I was listening to a Basiji’s account of what happened in Iran after election. So sad, I feel for him. You can find the video here . I really felt for him, it might sound strange, but I knew some people personally that really believed in what they were doing, not the torture, and abuse part but just repeating what THOSE BASTERS were telling them. They just wanted to be loyal, and for them all these contradictions were a God-sent test to test their loyalty. Most of them were true belivers, they were played by sentimental words like, Mohammad was left alone and only a few TRUE friends stayed with them, ” You never ask God why you just follow”, and the like.

Apart from that I really felt for him because he must be in hell right now, seeing all your belifs shattered is not easy, finding your friends betraying your loyalty is not easy, who would listen to your pains? Who would offer a Basiji a shoulder to cry? Who would say, even once, to him lets open up and you will be understood by people? It is not easy to be a basiji, it is not easy.

Could we, all Iranians, have our homelands back from, [I bet you are waiting for Mullas to come after FROM but no, i m not gonna use that, but rather i would say, ] China, England, France, Russia, America ? Could you just leave us alone? Could we all live together again in our homeland? All of us; Muslims, Bahai’s, Jews, Christans, Zorostrians, Basijis, Turks, Kurds, baluchies, …. like we used to ? I don’t want to see anyone of my people out of Iran because he had no other choice, even if he is a Basiji.

Sometimes, in this beautiful land, which in not my homeland, I miss my people ssssssooooooooo much. My beloved Iran, I love you , I want my kid grow up there, where she/he can tell his/her sweetheart “dooset daram”, no “I love you” , It doesnt even sound beautiful. Oh my beloved country, my beloved city, my beloved part of the world, why should i be living so far from you. Who is understanding me here when noone even believes how beautiful you are.

Statement by a group of Iranian bloggers about the Presidential election and the subsequent events

mojdehnevesht — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:03:13 +0000

1) We, a group of Iranian bloggers, strongly condemn the violent and repressive confrontation of Iranian government against Iranian people’s legitimate and peaceful demonstrations and ask government officials to comply with Article 27 of the Islamic Republic of Iran’s Constitution which emphasizes “Public gatherings and marches may be freely held, provided arms are not carried and that they are not detrimental to the fundamental principles of Islam.”

2) We consider the violations in the presidential election, and their sad consequences a big blow to the democratic principles of the Islamic Republic regime, and observing the mounting evidence of fraud presented by the candidates and others, we believe that election fraud is obvious and we ask for a new election.

3) Actions such as deporting foreign reporters, arresting local journalists, censorship of the news and misrepresenting the facts, cutting off the SMS network and filtering of the internet cannot silence the voices of Iranian people as no darkness and suffocation can go on forever. We invite the Iranian government to honest and friendly interaction with its people and we hope to witness the narrowing of the huge gap between people and the government.

 A part of the large community of Iranian bloggers 
June 26, 2009

Make Ahmadinejad history

mojdehnevesht — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:12:53 +0000

Another election is under way………… Ahmadinejad …………… No God Please No

The funny thing about us, Iranians, is that those who are for hardliners and do not absolutely believe in Democrocy would definitely vote, no matter who stands for the election, as far as he is against the democrocy, he s got their votes; those who are against the heardliners’s measures, and claim that they are the biggest advocate of democrocy in Iran do not alwasy vote. They want to reach a democrocy by not voting. What a paradoxical people we are. And this election is not any different. The hardliners’ will be up for it through and through. The others, are mainly ambivalent.

Why should I vote when I don’t support theocracy, ( and don’t tell me voting is supporting democracy, as long as it ends in “cracy” i m not voting, I love dimokrosy)

Why should I vote when nothing is gonna change? ( and by “Change” we mean something like an 8 Richter earthquake. Then we will be rebuilding everything, this time an identical twin of Switzerland ( I know it is not a town, it is just an example) )

Why should I vote when there is ………… , I can’t recall now but I am sure something is .

but God, I know that I am not much of a believer, but this time just help us out, no please help yourself, everyone is blaming you for his creation.

WE DO NOT WANT AHMADINEJAD AS OUR PRESIDENT………… we had enough

Coming back from Iran

mojdehnevesht — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:54:26 +0000

Where is my home? Is it here where I feel safe and secure, but uprooted and alone? or Is it Iran where I had tried my heart out to escape from, where everything used to sadden me to death, but all my loved ones reside in?

Where is my home? Is it here where everyone seems so caring and loving but you share absolutely no memories with? Or is it Iran where you ve got absolutely no time to spend with your friends to talk about those sweet memories or even if you find some time no one is up for a get-together?

Where is my home? I can’t help but wonder.

Before Norooz (The Persian New Year) you can find colourful pansies in small boxes being sold, I envy those pansies, they go everywhere with the soil they have planted in. I envy them, I wish I were a pansy, traveling with my own root and with my nurturing soil.

I wish I could bring Norooz with me here, my Mom, my dad, my sisters and my brother, my friends, the street I fell in love in for the first time, my florist from whom I got the first red rose, Yalda (another Persian celebration on the last day of Autumn), Kish Island, Bazarche Ketab (the bookshops), Ali (ali agha, our local grocery shopkeeper) from whom I bought my first magazine………………………………………. , all those trees,….

I wish I ……………….. .

Life is frought with AHHHHHHHHHHHHHs and I wishes and Ifs when you are an Iranian, even if you are in the most livable city.

Death

mojdehnevesht — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 02:28:04 +0000

I had a nightmare again, and like most of the time it was about death. A sudden death, the most appaling one, and when I woke up I couldn’t help but wonder why death is such a horrific issue to me. Why everytime I close my eyes at night I have arrey of my loved ones’ deaths marching in my head, that they are dead and I didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye to them. Why is DEATH such a bigh deal to me>? Shouldn’t it be just sad not overwhelming? Shouldn’t it be comming every now an then and not every single night? Shouldn’t it be just a normal issue to me after all those things that I have been through as an Iranian in a country with war and airraids? Why is it so abhorrent to me?

I remember the first times I was acquainted with death might have been the times I had theology classes at my elementary school, we, 7 -year- old school girls, were advised to cover our hairs from Namahram, otherwise God would burn us in hell forever after we die. You can see that it wasn’t a very pleasant introduction to death.Then we were thaught about the fist night after death, Shabe Avale Ghabr, the most horrible scenario you could possibly imagine, and what is Shabe Avale Ghabr? It is the first night you are put in you grave and the pressure on you would be , as it is said, as you would throw up even the milk you had when you were just a kid. No wonder I am having those dreams, picturing yourself in your grave trying to breath and throwing up everything isnt’ the best scene you could imagine.

Of course I dont belive in those rubbish anymore but it seems that every night when I go to bed and try to have some sleep, all those early lessons come back to me……………. and last night was not an exception.

The Biggest Tomato in the World

mojdehnevesht — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:18:42 +0000

I wish I had the biggest tomato in the world,

If only I had the biggest tomato in the world,

Life would be far better if I had that tomato

I would be happier If I was that lucky to have that giant tomato

I could be all smile and laughter if only I had that tomato

All the worries and problems of past and coming days would disappear ,

all the excruciating pains would ease

all the negative thoughts would be challenged

and I am quite sure that I would be prettier and healthier with that magic tomato

Oh, how much I wish I had the biggest tomato in the world

not a good day

mojdehnevesht — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 05:01:58 +0000

I m not feeling very well at the moment. Apparently, it is impossible to block away the bad news ,you hear from Iran on daily basis.

I have yet to digest the Anti-Women Bill (anti- Human would be a more proper name for it) which paves the way for polygamy.

I have yet to digest lots of bad news.

But today, I read that Reza Hejazi who was involved in a fatal dispute when he was JUST 13, was executed this morning without even his attorney’s being informed.

and if you think it was the most disturbing one , you are wrong:

A couple of weeks ago, Ezatolah e Entezami, the veteran actor, asked people to help another imprisoned teenager , who was sentenced to an imminent execution. So two other Iranian Actors and Mr. Entezami announced a bank account to help raise funds to help him. GOOD NEWS HUH? Wrong. The actors were subsequently called to court by the Judicial Attorney with accusation of messing with JUSTICE,the standards of which allow the hanging of children.

……………………